You may also find conversation-starters in television dramas, movies, newspaper articles, or even works of literature assigned in school. Introducing them matter-of-factly in the course of other conversations lets your child know that she won't have to endure a big awkward scene if she asks you a highly charged question.
It's better not to wait for Big Discussion moments to explore these tough topics. "What's date rape?" "What's sexual harassment?" "How does the morning-after pill work?" "How long should I wait before having sex?" "Is it normal to think about sex all the time?" "Am I still a virgin if it was only oral sex?" "What's a transsexual?" "How do I know if I'm gay?" Now the information she needs is more complicated but just as important. What issues are likely to be on my child's mind at this age?īy the time your child is in middle school, she knows the mechanical details of sex even if you weren't the one who explained them. You can be sure the book will be read, and it may ease her fears as well as her discomfort about talking to you about sexual issues and feelings. Casually let her know that you put it there and that she can check it out if she feels like it. Leave the book of your choice in your child's room, where she can read it in private. Positive and practical, it covers tampons, pads, pimples, mood swings, and all of the other things girls wonder and worry about as they learn to deal with their menstrual cycles. An invaluable guide for girls is The Period Book: Everything You Don't Want to Ask (But Need to Know) written by Karen Gravelle in consultation with her 15-year-old niece, Jennifer. Subtitled Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health, it has detailed coverage of intercourse, male and female sex organs, contraception, pregnancy, AIDS, and everything else kids need to know to stay healthy and become sexually responsible adults. Another source of answers to tricky questions is It's Perfectly Normal by Robie H.
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One excellent series is the What's Happening to My Body? books - one for boys and one for girls - by Lynda Madaras. Before buying, skim it to make sure you like its approach. Indoor staircases are great too: You're close together, the walls around you feel protective, and you can each hug your knees and study your feet as you talk.)Īnother useful gambit is to buy a good, readable book for teenagers on sexual development. (These conversations also frequently take place in cars, which have the advantage of being private spaces in which you don't have to look at each other. Try to stay open to her overtures on the subject because when you least expect it - say, at 11:30 at night, as you're trying to get her to turn off the stereo and go to sleep - you may find yourself answering an important question or exploring a delicate topic. Remember how much she both does and does not want to talk about sexuality with you of all people - who, as her parent, are not supposed to have any of your own. At least now she knows you're willing to discuss it. If you're the one who brings up sex, don't be offended when your child looks horrified that you did so.
What's the best way to initiate a conversation about sex with my child?įirst of all, give up on the idea that it's going to happen the way you plan it - fruitful conversations with adolescents rarely take place when and how their parents want them to.